Focus on your Self-Talk to Improve Grit 👁️‍🗨️

How to become your biggest ally

Nope, it’s not just you: Everyone does self-talk, which is what you say about yourself in your head.

Perfecting what that little voice says is key, because “the right kind of self-talk can develop your confidence, while the wrong kind of self-talk can squash it”, says Angela Duckworth, a University of Pennsylvania professor and author of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance.

Here’s how working on the way you talk to yourself can increase your grit, helping you go harder at any challenge.

“High-performers and low-performers both have a running internal dialogue — the difference is what they use it to say”.

“Imagine if after a really bad game or poor performance, your self-talk was all negative, spiralling you into a pit of shame, criticism and self-loathing”, she says.

The same is true if you stray from your plan in other ways, like skipping an exercise or indulging in regrettable food choices. It doesn’t inspire you to continue if you tell yourself you’re the worst and you’ll never succeed. Negative self-talk causes you to feel so horrible about yourself that you are unwilling to attempt again, which ultimately causes you to drift further away from your objectives.

In her research, Duckworth has found a two-part strategy for positive self-talk that gets you back on track.

1. The first part is mindful acceptance: Without judgement or blame, just acknowledge the imperfection — for example, saying I slept through yesterday’s workout.
2. The second part is self-compassion. For this step, “think of what your mum, your best friend or anyone who loves you might say about your misstep”, advises Duckworth. Their narrative would be “compassionate, loving, positive and understanding”, while still not letting you off the hook. It also should include a prompt of “what you can learn from it and how you plan to do better next time”.

Try repeating it to yourself next. In real life, that can sound like: I’m sorry I missed the workout yesterday, but it only happened once, and I’ve been doing a terrific job of moving in the right direction. I’m going to set my alarm for tomorrow morning 10 minutes earlier so that even if I snooze once, I’ll still have time to complete my workout.

That’s a resilient individual who will swiftly bounce back and resume their duties.

Even professional athletes, like long-distance runner Shalane Flanagan, who took second in the 2008 Olympics and won the 2017 New York City Marathon, occasionally find themselves caught up in the vicious cycle of negative self-talk.

Flanagan occasionally notices her self-talk drifting into the negative during agonising training runs when she is exhausted and her body hurts: “I’m not good enough, I’m not talented enough, and I’m not working hard enough,” she says. However, because she is cognizant of her self-talk, alarm bells go off, and she consciously chooses to change the story she is telling herself.

“I view my mind as a muscle in training”.

“It doesn’t come naturally to me, but that’s when I choose to be optimistic”, she says. “I tell myself, Shalane, this is the moment you’re going to work harder and lean into the pain of the workout. What separates the cream of the crop, even with elite athletes, is their mindset and the psychology of how they deal with adversity. I view my mind as a muscle in training”.

You can’t simply turn a switch and alter your self-talk over night. It’s a work in progress that gets a little bit quicker and more automatic with every practise session. You’ll soon discover how to use the strength of your inner cheerleader to overcome any obstacle. We encourage you to improve your self-talk such that it encourages you to move forward. Consider making this small adjustment to your next workout to include a motivating mantra.

Make It a Habit: Often, just showing up for a workout is the most difficult part. Therefore, try repeating a motivating slogan out loud just before beginning your session, such as “I already accomplished the hardest part.” Then congratulate yourself internally for being self-motivated and believing in yourself. When things are hard during the workout, go back to that mantra: “I already did the hardest part”. It can help build your confidence, power you through the moment and help you finish strong.